Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.ġ5) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers."ġ6) Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.ġ7) Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. Even a thought can raise it.ġ0) When should condoms be used? Every conceivable occasion.ġ1) What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a real dick!ġ2) What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate? A liar.ġ3) What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.ġ4) Me and my friend were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker."ĩ) A penis is the lightest thing in the world. "Just pray for stiffness," says the wife, "and I'll guide the fucker."Ĩ) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" "I'm praying for guidance," replies the man. One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: It was the chicken.Ħ) How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? He forgot to wrap his Whopper.ħ) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" "I'm praying for guidance," replies the man. (FYI, you might recognize some of these from our round-up of the all-time best sex jokes, an excellent resource if you're looking to expand your repertoire of NSFW humor!)ġ) I'm not sure how I feel about masturbation, but on the one hand, it feels pretty great!Ģ) What's the difference between a dick and a bonus check? Someone is always down to blow your bonus.ģ) What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef stroganoff.Ĥ) What do a penis and Rubik's cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.ĥ) I went out dressed as a chicken last night and met a girl who was dressed like an egg. So without further ado, here are some snappy dick jokes because sometimes, you just gotta talk about dick. Telling an entire story only to end with “my dick” will probably not go over super well. They tend to get the most laughs when used as a zinger. In general, dick jokes tend to be funnier when short and sweet. For your buds at the bar? Probably the safest bet. For your mother-in-law? No, but then again, I don’t know the relationship you have with her.
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Are dick jokes for your co-workers? Absolutely not.
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The key to telling a dick joke is knowing your audience. The common factor among all of them? Penises are pretty funny. There are jokes about big dicks, small dicks, and not having a dick at all. Dick jokes, very much like actual penises, vary greatly, coming in all shapes and sizes. Ah, the dick joke-a staple among comedians and laypeople alike.